Selasa, Februari 07, 2012
Sedih betul menyaksikan kemusnahan
Wp hanya pear yang dimusnahkan...suara kicauan burung bukan lagi mendamaikan tapi memberi tekanan...sebab burung2 cantik berwarna warni itulah yang menghabiskan 95% buah2 pear kesayangan..salah aku juga tak sempat membalut buah2 tu..
Congested
Pagi ni dapat email aceptance Conference IRM di Vienna. Patutnya rasa happy la kan? tapi dah tak rasa apa2...dah tak ada perasaan dek kerana keserabutan otak yang tak settle dgn berbagai2 perkara:
1- Chapter 3 dan 6 yang masih di takuk lama...tak cukup perkembangan sebab tak buat.
2- SV suruh run semua data SPSS, belum buat sbb tak pasti bagaimana dan test apa etc yang nak dibuat
3-SV suruh buat 3 lagi paper conference-AMCIS, PACIS, IBIMA. semuanya due 1-7 Mac ni . Tinggal 20 hari je lagi..adoii..idea apa pun belum keluar.
4- Jadual yang dibuat sungguh ketat, suntuk sbb SV suruh siapkan tahun ni juga
5-Sesak otak
6- email dari confIRM organiser agak panjang, banyak yang nak kena edit paper tu..
7. banyak lagi perkara2 lain yang dah jadi kes lapuk, tapi belum selesai..contohnya hal ICEB- paper yg ditawarkan masuk journal, senyap begitu sahaja, paper Abrar yg sepatutnya ada 2 nama, namku pulak hilang-
Ya Allah berilah kelapangan dada, otak etc kepadaku agar dapatku menyusun pemikiran dgn sisematik dan dapat buat kerja dgn efisyen...Aminnn
1- Chapter 3 dan 6 yang masih di takuk lama...tak cukup perkembangan sebab tak buat.
2- SV suruh run semua data SPSS, belum buat sbb tak pasti bagaimana dan test apa etc yang nak dibuat
3-SV suruh buat 3 lagi paper conference-AMCIS, PACIS, IBIMA. semuanya due 1-7 Mac ni . Tinggal 20 hari je lagi..adoii..idea apa pun belum keluar.
4- Jadual yang dibuat sungguh ketat, suntuk sbb SV suruh siapkan tahun ni juga
5-Sesak otak
6- email dari confIRM organiser agak panjang, banyak yang nak kena edit paper tu..
7. banyak lagi perkara2 lain yang dah jadi kes lapuk, tapi belum selesai..contohnya hal ICEB- paper yg ditawarkan masuk journal, senyap begitu sahaja, paper Abrar yg sepatutnya ada 2 nama, namku pulak hilang-
Ya Allah berilah kelapangan dada, otak etc kepadaku agar dapatku menyusun pemikiran dgn sisematik dan dapat buat kerja dgn efisyen...Aminnn
Ahad, Januari 22, 2012
Dont jump into conclusion
hari ni seorang kawan buat jamuan utk kami beberapa family..makanan byk, errita ceriti pun byk- ada yg baik, tp byk juga yg kurang baik....tapi ini cerita yg paling signifikan:
Di meja makan, seorang makcik bercerita dgn penuh semangat. "Budak tu ckp kat pasal i who is she, I dont know her, she is not even my family rkawan, bila I tegur, dia, dia cakap, who are you, i dont know you, you are not even my family.So saya marah dia, sy cakap, Hey, you never say such thing like taht, okay, you see, here, I am like your grandmother, okay... never ever make a sentense like that, understand?! Ha lepas tu dia okay la..baru dia kawan baik2 macam biasa..." siapa? sy tertanya2 dia kata.Anank sayuti? Sya tersentap, sungguh terkejut..begitu sekali biadapnya anak saya? Wp hati terhiris, sy cuba tenangkan, dalam tak percaya sy bertanya..yg mana? yg ppua yg paling kecik tu ke? itulah agakan sy sbb dialah yg satu2nya 'berani bercakap'. Jawabnya' tak, yang lelaki tu"..sy lebih lg terkejut, tersentap dan sedih, baru sahaja sy syukuri nikmat dikurnia seorang anak yg sy kira baik, sempena hari jadinya ke 12, tiba2 malam ni, seolah terbalik...sungguh sedih dan malu...Tiba2 kami dikejutkan dgn ketibaan satu fmuly lagi, jadi perhatian kami beralih menyambut mereka, topik asal tadi hilang begitu sahaja, tidak saya pasti ada cerita seterusnya atau mmg cerita dah tamat.
Balik rumah, tak sabar2 rasanya saya nak interrogate dan 'basuh' anak saya itu. Kalau benar, sungguh mengecewakan. Bila saya tya solan pertama, dia termangu2, membuatkan sy berang...Dan mendengar sy marah dan sikap anak sy yang jawab 'tak tahu, tak ingat, buatkan suami saya turut naik marah, paksa dia bangun duduk dari kedudukan baring. Jadi dia bangun dan saya bersungguh2 interrogate, minta dia ingat betul2 peristiwa tu..saya berikan clue (berdasarkan erita makcik tadi)supaya dia dapat recall. Tiba2 dia cakap''ohhh abang ingat sekarang ttg peristiwa tu. katanya kawannya, anak tuan rumah, suruh tengok dia, bila dia tgk, budak tu tak berbaju, nampak pusat, so, dia tak nak tengok aurat budak tu (spt biasa, anak sy ini seorg yg lurus bendul, sangat menjaga hal halal haram-setakat yg saya kenal dia setakat ini, insya Allah). So abang cakap la kat dia, I cant see you( your body-it's aurat) You are not my brother . You are not even my family member, I dont want to see you" Inilah ayat yang sama dgn ayat yg makcik tu cakap, di mana pd fahaman sy yg mendengarnya, ayat itu ditujukan kpd makcik tu dan sebab tu lah dia marah dan buat statement spt di atas. Akhirnya sy dapat buat kesimpulan sendiri...dont jump into conclusion....kesian Syakirin, tak pasal2 kena 'basuh' dgn saya..saya termangu sendiri.....Insaf..banyak pengajaran boleh dari ambil dr cerita pendek ini...
or this version?
Budak tu tak mahu berkawan, I dengar dia cakap 'you are no one to me, you are not part of my family'
Di meja makan, seorang makcik bercerita dgn penuh semangat. "Budak tu ckp kat pasal i who is she, I dont know her, she is not even my family rkawan, bila I tegur, dia, dia cakap, who are you, i dont know you, you are not even my family.So saya marah dia, sy cakap, Hey, you never say such thing like taht, okay, you see, here, I am like your grandmother, okay... never ever make a sentense like that, understand?! Ha lepas tu dia okay la..baru dia kawan baik2 macam biasa..." siapa? sy tertanya2 dia kata.Anank sayuti? Sya tersentap, sungguh terkejut..begitu sekali biadapnya anak saya? Wp hati terhiris, sy cuba tenangkan, dalam tak percaya sy bertanya..yg mana? yg ppua yg paling kecik tu ke? itulah agakan sy sbb dialah yg satu2nya 'berani bercakap'. Jawabnya' tak, yang lelaki tu"..sy lebih lg terkejut, tersentap dan sedih, baru sahaja sy syukuri nikmat dikurnia seorang anak yg sy kira baik, sempena hari jadinya ke 12, tiba2 malam ni, seolah terbalik...sungguh sedih dan malu...Tiba2 kami dikejutkan dgn ketibaan satu fmuly lagi, jadi perhatian kami beralih menyambut mereka, topik asal tadi hilang begitu sahaja, tidak saya pasti ada cerita seterusnya atau mmg cerita dah tamat.
Balik rumah, tak sabar2 rasanya saya nak interrogate dan 'basuh' anak saya itu. Kalau benar, sungguh mengecewakan. Bila saya tya solan pertama, dia termangu2, membuatkan sy berang...Dan mendengar sy marah dan sikap anak sy yang jawab 'tak tahu, tak ingat, buatkan suami saya turut naik marah, paksa dia bangun duduk dari kedudukan baring. Jadi dia bangun dan saya bersungguh2 interrogate, minta dia ingat betul2 peristiwa tu..saya berikan clue (berdasarkan erita makcik tadi)supaya dia dapat recall. Tiba2 dia cakap''ohhh abang ingat sekarang ttg peristiwa tu. katanya kawannya, anak tuan rumah, suruh tengok dia, bila dia tgk, budak tu tak berbaju, nampak pusat, so, dia tak nak tengok aurat budak tu (spt biasa, anak sy ini seorg yg lurus bendul, sangat menjaga hal halal haram-setakat yg saya kenal dia setakat ini, insya Allah). So abang cakap la kat dia, I cant see you( your body-it's aurat) You are not my brother . You are not even my family member, I dont want to see you" Inilah ayat yang sama dgn ayat yg makcik tu cakap, di mana pd fahaman sy yg mendengarnya, ayat itu ditujukan kpd makcik tu dan sebab tu lah dia marah dan buat statement spt di atas. Akhirnya sy dapat buat kesimpulan sendiri...dont jump into conclusion....kesian Syakirin, tak pasal2 kena 'basuh' dgn saya..saya termangu sendiri.....Insaf..banyak pengajaran boleh dari ambil dr cerita pendek ini...
or this version?
Budak tu tak mahu berkawan, I dengar dia cakap 'you are no one to me, you are not part of my family'
Rabu, Januari 11, 2012
3.1.2012
2Am-mata masihAnak2,suami dah belama di buai mimpi membentuk pulau g ruang tamu di kelilingi 3 alat penyejuk~air cond kipas dan air purifier....bila ternampak buah cerii du atas meja yg tinggal aeparuh,dan pengarih membaca blog srorg phd std d uni strathclyde glasgow terus terbayang kekagrtan mtkihat buah stone fruit d atas meja nakan chah d glasgow segar..beberapa kali barulang alkk dari laptop ke tmpat tidur dan sebaliknya...
SBPA
Sedih juga aku tahu lambat pasal SBPA... agaknya aku kurang bergaul/berkomunikasi..but once I know, I really study about it. Terus print dan baca semua pekeliling. Kesimpulannya, tak jauh lari dari SSM dulu juga sistemnya, cuma tukar nama dan gaji naik sikit ..Sbnarnya, lagi tgi pangkat, lagi bykkkk gaji naik. nampak kepincangan dan ketidakadilan kpd org bawahan....impaknya menambah jurang pendapatan di kalangan org atas dan bawah..siapa juga yg susah nanti? dua2 pihak pun susah hidup dan susah hati..sapa la yang buat polisi yg kurang bijak ni...
Yang paling untung dalam group pengurusan dan professional ialah orang yg baru naik 54. Kenapa/ Sebab tangga gaji SSM T1 hingga T10 semuanya disatukan menjadi T1 dalam SBPA. naya lah yang doktor2 pakar yang dah 10 tahun bekerja, tup-tup anak muridnya atau juniornya yg baru naik 54 tak tak smpai setahun pun dapat gaji sama dgn dia.Ini contoh yg ekstrim tapi mmg ada berlaku depan mata saya. Pokoknya, suapa sahaja yg dalam gred 54, tak kira dah kerja setahun ke, 2 ke 3 ke, 4,5,6,7,8,9, atau 10 tahun, semuanya akan dapat gaji yg sama... Yg baru kerja setahun dapat kenaikan seabnyanak 2000. Yang dah kerja 10 tahun, naik gaji berapa puluh ringgit je...Dan kena terima hakikat junior 10 tahun sama gaji dgn mereka. Dan tahun2 berikutnya, gaji mereka naik sama2 setara....naya..Ini akan menggalakkan brain drain lagi la nampaknya
Yang paling untung dalam group pengurusan dan professional ialah orang yg baru naik 54. Kenapa/ Sebab tangga gaji SSM T1 hingga T10 semuanya disatukan menjadi T1 dalam SBPA. naya lah yang doktor2 pakar yang dah 10 tahun bekerja, tup-tup anak muridnya atau juniornya yg baru naik 54 tak tak smpai setahun pun dapat gaji sama dgn dia.Ini contoh yg ekstrim tapi mmg ada berlaku depan mata saya. Pokoknya, suapa sahaja yg dalam gred 54, tak kira dah kerja setahun ke, 2 ke 3 ke, 4,5,6,7,8,9, atau 10 tahun, semuanya akan dapat gaji yg sama... Yg baru kerja setahun dapat kenaikan seabnyanak 2000. Yang dah kerja 10 tahun, naik gaji berapa puluh ringgit je...Dan kena terima hakikat junior 10 tahun sama gaji dgn mereka. Dan tahun2 berikutnya, gaji mereka naik sama2 setara....naya..Ini akan menggalakkan brain drain lagi la nampaknya
Isnin, Januari 02, 2012
2012
Tahun yang sangat penting dan mendebarkan dan mencabar dan segalanya......
Azam baru? Mahu menulis menulis dan menulis..tulis apa? tulis thesis, tulis blog-diary, tulis ideas... kekerapan? setiap hari...ok. Insya Allah... terlalu banyak rasanya yang nak ditulis...
1.1.2012
Hari pertama tahun baru, disambut dalam demam, dalam cuaca heatwave. Minggu ni rata2 suhu 41-43 degree celcius. Plan asal untuk bawa anak2 tengok fire work terpaksa dibatalkan. Berselimut dalam air cond dalam rumah saja. Suami keluar juga walaupun demam...mencari rezeki sambil exercise katanya..dia hanya sampai rumah lepas pukul 4am.
Pukul 12am, bunyi berdentum2 dah kedengaran. Anak2 kehairanan, jadi saya ajak mereka keluar, Jiran depan juga nampaknya keluar ke halaman rumah mereka...dari kejauhan nampak firework di beberapa sudut berbeza. Sekali sekala, ada yang sgt besar betul2 di atas rumah kami. Bila ke yard belakang rumah, view lebih clear/puaslah juga Yayang tengok bunga api, dari rumah sendiri. Taklah rugi tak pergi ikut Liza ke Elders Park semata2 utk tgk bunga api. Masuk semula ke rumah, dentuman masih kedengaran, jadi buka curtain bilik, rupanya dari ringkap bilik pun boleh nampak bunga api yang tak putus2 dari arah satu kawasan yang tak jauh dari rumah..agakan saya, mungkin dari salah sebuah rumah di taman ini juga, diselangi dengan yang besar2 sekali sekala....tapi kami tak tunggu sampai habis sebab Yayang dan Syakirin ada aktiviti masing2 yang lebih menarik...kak Ngah masih di rumah Kak Rin, sleep over. Saya lebih selesa kembali merehatkan diri yang demam, air cond terpaksa dibuka berpanjangan kerana cuaca sgt panas.
11 am ,masih dalam gua buatan kami, baru bangun tidur lepas tidur semula slps solat subuh pada 4.30am
7pm , masih sgt panas di luar, tapi kena juga keluar utk menghadiri majlis BBQ Makcik Kak Long mam mertua Dr Siti... kami antara yang awal sampai, dan kami jugalah yang paling lambat balik...Mak Cik tu tahan tak bagi balik, suruh balik last. kak Ngan demam.
2.1.2012
Pukl 2pm baru sedar ada 4 missed call dari supervisor. 2 kali saya return call, tak angkat, jadi tinggal aja voicemail. Kemudian saya check email, ternyata ada hal penting berkaitan submission paper ke Conf-IRM. Terpaksalah meredah kepanasan, ditemani Yayang ke ofis utk urusan itu. Ternyata ada hikmahnya, membolehkan saya terus scan dokumen SBPA yang rupanya hari ni due datenya menurut email dari Pn Hafizah bhgn Saraan. Alhamdulillah..selesai sesuatu yang dirisaukan.
SBPA
Saya membuat keputusan menerima SBPA dan memilih umur bersara paksa 60 tahun setelah membuat beberapa pertimbangan. Tapi apa yang lebih menarik perhatian ialah ttg kejangglan skim ini ttg beza gaji 52 dan 54. Jadi kenalah memotivasikan diri utk mencapai 54 pula...
Azam baru? Mahu menulis menulis dan menulis..tulis apa? tulis thesis, tulis blog-diary, tulis ideas... kekerapan? setiap hari...ok. Insya Allah... terlalu banyak rasanya yang nak ditulis...
1.1.2012
Hari pertama tahun baru, disambut dalam demam, dalam cuaca heatwave. Minggu ni rata2 suhu 41-43 degree celcius. Plan asal untuk bawa anak2 tengok fire work terpaksa dibatalkan. Berselimut dalam air cond dalam rumah saja. Suami keluar juga walaupun demam...mencari rezeki sambil exercise katanya..dia hanya sampai rumah lepas pukul 4am.
Pukul 12am, bunyi berdentum2 dah kedengaran. Anak2 kehairanan, jadi saya ajak mereka keluar, Jiran depan juga nampaknya keluar ke halaman rumah mereka...dari kejauhan nampak firework di beberapa sudut berbeza. Sekali sekala, ada yang sgt besar betul2 di atas rumah kami. Bila ke yard belakang rumah, view lebih clear/puaslah juga Yayang tengok bunga api, dari rumah sendiri. Taklah rugi tak pergi ikut Liza ke Elders Park semata2 utk tgk bunga api. Masuk semula ke rumah, dentuman masih kedengaran, jadi buka curtain bilik, rupanya dari ringkap bilik pun boleh nampak bunga api yang tak putus2 dari arah satu kawasan yang tak jauh dari rumah..agakan saya, mungkin dari salah sebuah rumah di taman ini juga, diselangi dengan yang besar2 sekali sekala....tapi kami tak tunggu sampai habis sebab Yayang dan Syakirin ada aktiviti masing2 yang lebih menarik...kak Ngah masih di rumah Kak Rin, sleep over. Saya lebih selesa kembali merehatkan diri yang demam, air cond terpaksa dibuka berpanjangan kerana cuaca sgt panas.
11 am ,masih dalam gua buatan kami, baru bangun tidur lepas tidur semula slps solat subuh pada 4.30am
7pm , masih sgt panas di luar, tapi kena juga keluar utk menghadiri majlis BBQ Makcik Kak Long mam mertua Dr Siti... kami antara yang awal sampai, dan kami jugalah yang paling lambat balik...Mak Cik tu tahan tak bagi balik, suruh balik last. kak Ngan demam.
2.1.2012
Pukl 2pm baru sedar ada 4 missed call dari supervisor. 2 kali saya return call, tak angkat, jadi tinggal aja voicemail. Kemudian saya check email, ternyata ada hal penting berkaitan submission paper ke Conf-IRM. Terpaksalah meredah kepanasan, ditemani Yayang ke ofis utk urusan itu. Ternyata ada hikmahnya, membolehkan saya terus scan dokumen SBPA yang rupanya hari ni due datenya menurut email dari Pn Hafizah bhgn Saraan. Alhamdulillah..selesai sesuatu yang dirisaukan.
SBPA
Saya membuat keputusan menerima SBPA dan memilih umur bersara paksa 60 tahun setelah membuat beberapa pertimbangan. Tapi apa yang lebih menarik perhatian ialah ttg kejangglan skim ini ttg beza gaji 52 dan 54. Jadi kenalah memotivasikan diri utk mencapai 54 pula...
Rabu, Disember 28, 2011
Boxing day - melepas lagi
Hari ni 28 Dec, aku terpacak keseorangan di ofis, membuat kerja submission ke ConfIRM, satu paper adapt dari paper ECIS, dan satu lagi on green technology sajhaja kucuba nasib. Semalam, teringin hati nak berboxing, tapi hajat tak sampai kerana kena sambut org baru sampai-Dr Siti di rumah Kak Rin. Aku ditugaskan masak sekor ayam yg aku buat chicken roast yang sedar. Selain tu, bawa roti dandanku yang glamer itu...
Isnin, Disember 19, 2011
Korea
hari Simon bercerita ttg hubungan Korea utara & Selatan, dan notoroious leader of Korea Utara..
Asal certanya dia kesahkan camana org Korea nak anak2 mereka ada pendidikan Inggeris, sanggup hantar anak belajar US Australia, ditemani isteri, hidup tepisah, berkorban asalakan anak senang
Asal certanya dia kesahkan camana org Korea nak anak2 mereka ada pendidikan Inggeris, sanggup hantar anak belajar US Australia, ditemani isteri, hidup tepisah, berkorban asalakan anak senang
Isnin, November 21, 2011
Spt biasa hujung mgu sy akan mjadi hujung mgu yg sarat dgn xtvt sosial. Ptg jmaat hadir dinner d rmh head of school. Tgharunya sblmtu, ada sesi perkenalan dgn delegasi iciq kbnyakannya dr US. Pagi2 sabtu kelam kabut buat cucyr utk bw rmh dr kamarul utl smbut org bau 2 family- miza nil amri dan zeti. Sdgkubd dapur, anak2 kata abh klua. Tahu2 dia muncul smula dgn 2 kotak cocelle barisi 73 pcs corelle hasil gs. Sesi d rmh dr kamarul d hadiri jg dr risman & sofurah. Pastu g rmh k rin, yg jd kelas masak kuih hijau ileh k nana. Mkn mlm, pastu g hall d paynehem dgr ceramah sejarah msia oleh dr hafizi. Ampai rmh kul 12 lebih. Pagu2 esoknya lps hntr husb gi unisa city east itk kursrs tpos( training for palestine speakers), bw anak2 trus ke bonython park utk mjlia hr jaji anak2 liza& ani. Meriah irg ramai sggug. D situ jg ada majlis aidil adha ileh islamic dakwah cte. Pastu g rmh sitah urk smayg. Dia masak nasi atam pukak. Lps amik suami, semula ke rmh sitah makan nasi ayam, miza zainul jg ada. Nizam lps tu bergegas dihantar sitah ke airport urk conference seminggu d bali. Kami trus ke rmh zeti( rmh surah) tp xdw org. Dia d rng dgina. So km ke sana utk terangkan hal telefon. Blk rmh gina kyl 10 lbh. Penat sungguh. Pagi isnin. Twrasa lrmah badan. Pkl 12 msh d rmh.
Isnin, November 14, 2011
Ahad, Oktober 23, 2011
Hala
Dalam 2 mgu ni, dah 3 kali saya makan besar di rumah hala, jiran Lebanon yang saya kenali sejak setahun lalu, Sya kagum melihatnya sungguh aktif, cergas dan tabah. Sekarang, ibunya mengunjunginya, dan akan balik dgn MAS lusa. Di Malaysia, kami dan uruskan Asfahani utk ambil & hantar dia dr airpit 3.15pm dan 11.59pm 25 Okt 2011
Rabu, Oktober 19, 2011
Dialog dr tuhan
Ketila sy sungguh lost, tuhan ketemukan dgn artikel dr blog org yg tak sy kenali, tp sgt tepat dgn sy:
Why Do People Have to Leave Each Other? Part I | Part II
When I was 17 years old, I had a dream. I dreamt that I was sitting inside a masjid and a little girl walked up to ask me a question. She asked me: “Why do people have to leave each other?” The question was a personal one, but it seemed clear to me why the question was chosen for me.
I was one to get attached.
Ever since I was a child, this temperament was clear. While other children in preschool could easily recover once their parents left, I could not. My tears, once set in motion, did not stop easily. As I grew up, I learned to become attached to everything around me. From the time I was in first grade, I needed a best friend. As I got older, any fall-out with a friend shattered me. I couldn’t let go of anything. People, places, events, photographs, moments—even outcomes became objects of strong attachment. If things didn’t work out the way I wanted or imagined they should, I was devastated. And disappointment for me wasn’t an ordinary emotion. It was catastrophic. Once let down, I never fully recovered. I could never forget, and the break never mended. Like a glass vase that you place on the edge of a table, once broken, the pieces never quite fit again.
But the problem wasn’t with the vase. Or even that the vases kept breaking. The problem was that I kept putting them on the edge of tables. Through my attachments, I was dependent on my relationships to fulfill my needs. I allowed those relationships to define my happiness or my sadness, my fulfillment or my emptiness, my security, and even my self-worth. And so, like the vase placed where it will inevitably fall, through those dependencies I set myself up for disappointment. I set myself up to be broken. And that’s exactly what I found: one disappointment, one break after another.
But the people who broke me were not to blame any more than gravity can be blamed for breaking the vase. We can’t blame the laws of physics when a twig snaps because we leaned on it for support. The twig was never created to carry us.
Our weight was only meant to be carried by God. We are told in the Quran: “…whoever rejects evil and believes in God hath grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold, that never breaks. And God hears and knows all things.” (Qur’an 2: 256)
There is a crucial lesson in this verse: that there is only one handhold that never breaks. There is only one place where we can lay our dependencies. There is only one relationship that should define our self-worth and only one source from which to seek our ultimate happiness, fulfillment, and security. That place is God.
But this world is all about seeking those things everywhere else. Some of us seek it in our careers, some seek it in wealth, some in status. Some, like me, seek it in our relationships. In her book, Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert describes her own quest for happiness. She describes moving in and out of relationships, and even traveling the globe in search of this fulfillment. She seeks that fulfillment—unsuccessfully—in her relationships, in meditation, even in food.
And that’s exactly where I spent much of my own life: seeking a way to fill my inner void. So it was no wonder that the little girl in my dream asked me this question. It was a question about loss, about disappointment. It was a question about being let down. A question about seeking something and coming back empty handed. It was about what happens when you try to dig in concrete with your bare hands: not only do you come back with nothing—you break your fingers in the process. And I learned this not by reading it, not by hearing it from a wise sage. I learned it by trying it again, and again, and again.
And so, the little girl’s question was essentially my own question…being asked to myself.
Ultimately, the question was about the nature of the dunya as a place of fleeting moments and temporary attachments. As a place where people are with you today, and leave or die tomorrow. But this reality hurts our very being because it goes against our nature. We, as humans, are made to seek, love, and strive for what is perfect and what is permanent. We are made to seek what’s eternal. We seek this because we were not made for this life. Our first and true home was Paradise: a land that is both perfect and eternal. So the yearning for that type of life is a part of our being. The problem is that we try to find that here. And so we create ageless creams and cosmetic surgery in a desperate attempt to hold on—in an attempt to mold this world into what it is not, and will never be.
And that’s why if we live in dunya with our hearts, it breaks us. That’s why this dunya hurts. It is because the definition of dunya, as something temporary and imperfect, goes against everything we are made to yearn for. Allah put a yearning in us that can only be fulfilled by what is eternal and perfect. By trying to find fulfillment in what is fleeting, we are running after a hologram…a mirage. We are digging into concrete with our bare hands. Seeking to turn what is by its very nature temporary into something eternal is like trying to extract from fire, water. You just get burned. Only when we stop putting our hopes in dunya, only when we stop trying to make the dunya into what it is not—and was never meant to be (jannah)—will this life finally stop breaking our hearts.
We must also realize that nothing happens without a purpose. Nothing. Not even broken hearts. Not even pain. That broken heart and that pain are lessons and signs for us. They are warnings that something is wrong. They are warnings that we need to make a change. Just like the pain of being burned is what warns us to remove our hand from the fire, emotional pain warns us that we need to make an internal change. That we need to detach. Pain is a form of forced detachment. Like the loved one who hurts you again and again and again, the more dunya hurts us, the more we inevitably detach from it. The more we inevitably stop loving it.
And pain is a pointer to our attachments. That which makes us cry, that which causes us most pain is where our false attachments lie. And it is those things which we are attached to as we should only be attached to Allah which become barriers on our path to God. But the pain itself is what makes the false attachment evident. The pain creates a condition in our life that we seek to change, and if there is anything about our condition that we don’t like, there is a divine formula to change it. God says: “Verily never will God change the condition of a people until they change what is within themselves.” (Qur’an, 13:11)
After years of falling into the same pattern of disappointments and heartbreak, I finally began to realize something profound. I had always thought that love of dunya meant being attached to material things. And I was not attached to material things. I was attached to people. I was attached to moments. I was attached to emotions. So I thought that the love of dunya just did not apply to me. What I didn’t realize was that people, moments, emotions are all a part of dunya. What I didn’t realize is that all the pain I had experienced in life was due to one thing, and one thing only: love of dunya.
As soon as I began to have that realization, a veil was lifted from my eyes. I started to see what my problem was. I was expecting this life to be what it is not, and was never meant to be: perfect. And being the idealist that I am, I was struggling with every cell in my body to make it so. It had to be perfect. And I would not stop until it was. I gave my blood, sweat, and tears to this endeavor: making the dunya into jannah. This meant expecting people around me to be perfect. Expecting my relationships to be perfect. Expecting so much from those around me and from this life. Expectations. Expectations. Expectations. And if there is one recipe for unhappiness it is that: expectations. But herein lay my fatal mistake. My mistake was not in having expectations; as humans, we should never lose hope. The problem was in *where* I was placing those expectations and that hope. At the end of the day, my hope and expectations were not being placed in God. My hope and expectations were in people, relationships, means. Ultimately, my hope was in this dunya rather than Allah.
And so I came to realize a very deep Truth. An ayah began to cross my mind. It was an ayah I had heard before, but for the first time I realized that it was actually describing me: “Those who rest not their hope on their meeting with Us, but are pleased and satisfied with the life of the present, and those who heed not Our Signs.” (Qur’an, 10:7)
By thinking that I can have everything here, my hope was not in my meeting with God. My hope was in dunya. But what does it mean to place your hope in dunya? How can this be avoided? It means when you have friends, don’t expect your friends to fill your emptiness. When you get married, don’t expect your spouse to fulfill your every need. When you’re an activist, don’t put your hope in the results. When you’re in trouble don’t depend on yourself. Don’t depend on people. Depend on God.
Seek the help of people—but realize that it is not the people (or even your own self) that can save you. Only Allah can do these things. The people are only tools, a means used by God. But they are not the source of help, aid, or salvation of any kind. Only God is. The people cannot even create the wing of a fly (22:73). And so, even while you interact with people externally, turn your heart towards God. Face Him alone, as Prophet Ibrahim (as) said so beautifully: “For me, I have set my face, firmly and truly, towards Him Who created the heavens and the earth, and never shall I give partners to Allah.” (Qur’an, 6:79)
But how does Prophet Ibrahim (as) describe his journey to that point? He studies the moon, the sun and the stars and realizes that they are not perfect. They set.
They let us down.
So Prophet Ibrahim (as) was thereby led to face Allah alone. Like him, we need to put our full hope, trust, and dependency on God. And God alone. And if we do that, we will learn what it means to finally find peace and stability of heart. Only then will the roller coaster that once defined our lives finally come to an end. That is because if our inner state is dependent on something that is by definition inconstant, that inner state will also be inconstant. If our inner state is dependent on something changing and temporary, that inner state will be in a constant state of instability, agitation, and unrest. This means that one moment we’re happy, but as soon as that which our happiness depended upon changes, our happiness also changes. And we become sad. We remain always swinging from one extreme to another and not realizing why.
We experience this emotional roller coaster because we can never find stability and lasting peace until our attachment and dependency is on what is stable and lasting. How can we hope to find constancy if what we hold on to is inconstant and perishing? In the statement of Abu Bakr is a deep illustration of this truth. After the Prophet Muhammad ï·º died, the people went into shock and could not handle the news. But although no one loved the Prophet ï·º like Abu Bakr, Abu Bakr understood well the only place where one’s dependency should lie. He said: “If you worshipped Muhammad, know that Muhammad is dead. But if you worshipped Allah, know that Allah never dies.”
To attain that state, don’t let your source of fulfillment be anything other than your relationship with God. Don’t let your definition of success, failure, or self-worth be anything other than your position with Him (Qur’an, 49:13). And if you do this, you become unbreakable, because your handhold is unbreakable. You become unconquerable, because your supporter can never be conquered. And you will never become empty, because your source of fulfillment is unending and never diminishes.
Looking back at the dream I had when I was 17, I wonder if that little girl was me. I wonder this because the answer I gave her was a lesson I would need to spend the next painful years of my life learning. My answer to her question of why people have to leave each other was: “because this life isn’t perfect; for if it was, what would the next be called?”
Why Do People Have to Leave Each Other? Part I | Part II
Leaving is hard. Losing is harder. So a few weeks ago I asked the question, ‘why do people have to leave each other?’ The answer took me into some of my life’s deepest realizations and struggles. But it has also led me to wonder: After people leave, do they ever return? After something we love is taken from us, does it ever come back? Is loss permanent—or just a means for a higher purpose? Is loss the End itself, or a temporary cure for our heart’s ailments?
There’s something amazing about this life. The very same worldly attribute that causes us pain is also what gives us relief: Nothing here lasts. What does that mean? It means that the breathtakingly beautiful rose in my vase will wither tomorrow. It means that my youth will neglect me. But it also means that the sadness I feel today will change tomorrow. My pain will die. My laughter won’t last forever—but neither will my tears. We say this life isn’t perfect. And it isn’t. It isn’t perfectly good. But, it also isn’t perfectly bad, either.
Allah (glorified is He) tells us in a very profound ayah (verse): “Verily with hardship comes ease.” (Qur’an, 94:5). Growing up I think I understood this ayah wrongly. I used to think it meant: after hardship comes ease. In other words, I thought life was made up of good times and bad times. After the bad times, come the good times. I thought this as if life was either all good or all bad. But that is not what the ayah is saying. The ayah is saying WITH hardship comes ease. The ease is at the same time as the hardship. This means that nothing in this life is ever all bad (or all good). In every bad situation we’re in, there is always something to be grateful for. With hardship, Allah also gives us the strength and patience to bear it.
If we study the difficult times in our lives, we will see that they were also filled with much good. The question is – which do we chose to focus on? I think the trap we fall into is rooted in this false belief that this life can be perfect—perfectly good or perfectly bad. But that’s not the nature of dunya (this life). That’s the nature of the hereafter. The hereafter is saved for the perfection of things. Jannah (paradise) is perfectly and completely good. There is no bad in it. And Jahannam (hell – may Allah protect us) is perfectly and completely bad. There is no good in it.
By not truly understanding this reality, I myself would become consumed by the momentary circumstances of my life (whether good or bad). I experienced each situation in its’ full intensity—as if it was ultimate or would never end. The way I was feeling at the moment transformed the whole world and everything in it. If I was happy in that moment, past and present, near and far, the entire universe was good for that moment. As if perfection could exist here. And the same happened with bad things. A negative state consumed everything. It became the whole world, past and present, the entire universe was bad for that moment. Because it became my entire universe, I could see nothing outside of it. Nothing else existed for that moment. If you wronged me today, it was because you no longer cared about me—not because this was one moment of a string of infinite moments which happened to be tinted that way, or because you and I and this life just aren’t perfect. What I was experiencing or feelings at that instant replaced context, because it replaced my entire vision of the world.
I think in our experiential nature, some of us may be especially susceptible to this. Perhaps that is the reason we can fall prey to the “I’ve never seen good from you” phenomenon which the Prophet ï·º (peace be upon him) referred to in his hadith. Perhaps some of us say or feel this way because at that moment, experientially we really haven’t seen good, because our feeling at that instant replaces, defines and becomes everything. Past and present becomes rolled up into one experiential moment.
But, the true realization that nothing is complete in this life transforms our experience of it. We suddenly stop being consumed by moments. In the understanding that nothing is limitless here, that nothing here is kamil (perfect, complete), Allah enables us to step outside of moments and see them for what they are: not universes, not Reality, past and present, just that—a single moment in a string of infinite moments…and that they too shall pass.
When I cry or lose or bruise, so long as I am still alive, nothing is ultimate. So long as there is still a tomorrow, a next moment, there is hope, there is change, there is redemption. What is lost, is not lost forever.
So in answering the question of whether what is lost comes back, I study the most beautiful examples. Did Yusuf return to his father? Did Musa return to his mother? Did Hajar return to Ibrahim? Did health, wealth and children return to Ayoub? From these stories we learn a powerful and beautiful lesson: what is taken by Allah is never lost. In fact, it is only what is with Allah that remains. Everything else vanishes. Allah (swt) says, “What is with you must vanish: what is with Allah will endure. And We will certainly bestow, on those who patiently persevere, their reward according to the best of their actions.” (Quran 16:96)
So, all that is with Allah, is never lost. In fact the Prophet ï·º has said: “You will never give up a thing for the sake of Allah (swt), but that Allah will replace it for you with something that is better for you than it.” (Ahmad) Did not Allah take the husband of Umm Salimah, only to replace him with the Prophet ï·º?
Sometimes Allah takes in order to give. But, it’s crucial to understand that His giving is not always in the form we think we want. He knows best what is best. Allah says: “… But it is possible that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and that you love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knows, and you know not.” (Quran 2:216)
But if something is going to be returned in one form or another, why is it taken at all? Subhan’Allah. It is in the process of ‘losing’ that we are given.
Allah gives us gifts. But then we often become dependent on those gifts, instead of Him. When He gives us money, we depend on the money—not Him. When He gives us people, we depend on people—not Him. When He gives us status or power, we depend on, and become distracted by these things. When Allah gives us health, we become deceived. We think we will never die.
Allah gives us gifts, but then we come to love them as we should only love Him. We take those gifts and inject them into our hearts, until they take over. Soon we cannot live without them. Every waking moment is spent in contemplation of them, in submission and worship to them. The mind and the heart that was created by Allah, for Allah, becomes the property of someone or something else. And then the fear comes. The fear of loss begins to cripple us. The gift—that should have remained in our hands—takes over our heart, so the fear of losing it consumes us. Soon, what was once a gift becomes a weapon of torture and a prison of our own making. How can we be freed of this? At times, in His infinite mercy, Allah frees us…by taking it away.
As a result of it being taken, we turn to Allah wholeheartedly. In that desperation and need, we ask, we beg, we pray. Through the loss, we reach a level of sincerity and humility and dependence on Him which we would otherwise not reach—had it not been taken from us. Through the loss, our hearts turn entirely to face Him.
What happens when you first give a child a toy or the new video game he’s always wanted? He becomes consumed by it. Soon he wants to do nothing else. He sees nothing else. He doesn’t want to do his work or even eat. He’s hypnotized to his own detriment. So what do you do, as a loving parent? Do you leave him to drown in his addiction and complete loss of focus and balance? No.
You take it away.
Then, once the child has regained focus of his priorities, regained sanity and balance, once things are put in their proper place in his heart and mind and life, what happens? You give the gift back. Or perhaps something better. But this time, the gift is no longer in his heart. It is in its proper place. It is in his hand.
Yet in that process of taking, the most important thing happened. The losing and regaining of the gift is inconsequential. The taking of your heedlessness, your dependence and focus on other than Him, and the replacing it with remembrance, dependence and focus only on Him was the real gift. Allah withholds to give.
And so sometimes, the ‘something better’ is the greatest gift: nearnesss to Him. Allah took the daughter of Malik Ibn Dinar in order to save him. He took his daughter, but replaced her with protection from the hell-fire and salvation from a painful life of sin and distance from Him. Through the loss of his daughter, Malik ibn Dinar was blessed with a life spent in nearness to Allah. And even that which was taken (his daughter) would remain with Malik ibn Dinar forever in Jannah.
Ibn ul Qayyim (may Allah be pleased with him) speaks about this phenomenon in his book, Madarij Al Salikin. He says: “The divine decree related to the believer is always a bounty, even if it is in the form of withholding (something that is desired); and it is a blessing, even if it appears to be a trial and an affliction that has befallen him; it is in reality a cure, even though it appears to be a disease!”
So to the question, ‘once something is lost, does it return?’ the answer is yes. It returns. Sometimes here, sometime there, sometimes in a different, better form. But the greatest gift lies beneath the taking and the returning. Allah tells us: “Say, ‘In the bounty of Allah and in His mercy – in that let them rejoice; it is better than what they hoard.’” (Quran, 10:58)
oh!! sy sgt suka artikel ni
http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/spouse/people-leave-each-other-but-do-they-return/
Why Do People Have to Leave Each Other? Part I | Part II
When I was 17 years old, I had a dream. I dreamt that I was sitting inside a masjid and a little girl walked up to ask me a question. She asked me: “Why do people have to leave each other?” The question was a personal one, but it seemed clear to me why the question was chosen for me.
I was one to get attached.
Ever since I was a child, this temperament was clear. While other children in preschool could easily recover once their parents left, I could not. My tears, once set in motion, did not stop easily. As I grew up, I learned to become attached to everything around me. From the time I was in first grade, I needed a best friend. As I got older, any fall-out with a friend shattered me. I couldn’t let go of anything. People, places, events, photographs, moments—even outcomes became objects of strong attachment. If things didn’t work out the way I wanted or imagined they should, I was devastated. And disappointment for me wasn’t an ordinary emotion. It was catastrophic. Once let down, I never fully recovered. I could never forget, and the break never mended. Like a glass vase that you place on the edge of a table, once broken, the pieces never quite fit again.
But the problem wasn’t with the vase. Or even that the vases kept breaking. The problem was that I kept putting them on the edge of tables. Through my attachments, I was dependent on my relationships to fulfill my needs. I allowed those relationships to define my happiness or my sadness, my fulfillment or my emptiness, my security, and even my self-worth. And so, like the vase placed where it will inevitably fall, through those dependencies I set myself up for disappointment. I set myself up to be broken. And that’s exactly what I found: one disappointment, one break after another.
But the people who broke me were not to blame any more than gravity can be blamed for breaking the vase. We can’t blame the laws of physics when a twig snaps because we leaned on it for support. The twig was never created to carry us.
Our weight was only meant to be carried by God. We are told in the Quran: “…whoever rejects evil and believes in God hath grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold, that never breaks. And God hears and knows all things.” (Qur’an 2: 256)
There is a crucial lesson in this verse: that there is only one handhold that never breaks. There is only one place where we can lay our dependencies. There is only one relationship that should define our self-worth and only one source from which to seek our ultimate happiness, fulfillment, and security. That place is God.
But this world is all about seeking those things everywhere else. Some of us seek it in our careers, some seek it in wealth, some in status. Some, like me, seek it in our relationships. In her book, Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert describes her own quest for happiness. She describes moving in and out of relationships, and even traveling the globe in search of this fulfillment. She seeks that fulfillment—unsuccessfully—in her relationships, in meditation, even in food.
And that’s exactly where I spent much of my own life: seeking a way to fill my inner void. So it was no wonder that the little girl in my dream asked me this question. It was a question about loss, about disappointment. It was a question about being let down. A question about seeking something and coming back empty handed. It was about what happens when you try to dig in concrete with your bare hands: not only do you come back with nothing—you break your fingers in the process. And I learned this not by reading it, not by hearing it from a wise sage. I learned it by trying it again, and again, and again.
And so, the little girl’s question was essentially my own question…being asked to myself.
Ultimately, the question was about the nature of the dunya as a place of fleeting moments and temporary attachments. As a place where people are with you today, and leave or die tomorrow. But this reality hurts our very being because it goes against our nature. We, as humans, are made to seek, love, and strive for what is perfect and what is permanent. We are made to seek what’s eternal. We seek this because we were not made for this life. Our first and true home was Paradise: a land that is both perfect and eternal. So the yearning for that type of life is a part of our being. The problem is that we try to find that here. And so we create ageless creams and cosmetic surgery in a desperate attempt to hold on—in an attempt to mold this world into what it is not, and will never be.
And that’s why if we live in dunya with our hearts, it breaks us. That’s why this dunya hurts. It is because the definition of dunya, as something temporary and imperfect, goes against everything we are made to yearn for. Allah put a yearning in us that can only be fulfilled by what is eternal and perfect. By trying to find fulfillment in what is fleeting, we are running after a hologram…a mirage. We are digging into concrete with our bare hands. Seeking to turn what is by its very nature temporary into something eternal is like trying to extract from fire, water. You just get burned. Only when we stop putting our hopes in dunya, only when we stop trying to make the dunya into what it is not—and was never meant to be (jannah)—will this life finally stop breaking our hearts.
We must also realize that nothing happens without a purpose. Nothing. Not even broken hearts. Not even pain. That broken heart and that pain are lessons and signs for us. They are warnings that something is wrong. They are warnings that we need to make a change. Just like the pain of being burned is what warns us to remove our hand from the fire, emotional pain warns us that we need to make an internal change. That we need to detach. Pain is a form of forced detachment. Like the loved one who hurts you again and again and again, the more dunya hurts us, the more we inevitably detach from it. The more we inevitably stop loving it.
And pain is a pointer to our attachments. That which makes us cry, that which causes us most pain is where our false attachments lie. And it is those things which we are attached to as we should only be attached to Allah which become barriers on our path to God. But the pain itself is what makes the false attachment evident. The pain creates a condition in our life that we seek to change, and if there is anything about our condition that we don’t like, there is a divine formula to change it. God says: “Verily never will God change the condition of a people until they change what is within themselves.” (Qur’an, 13:11)
After years of falling into the same pattern of disappointments and heartbreak, I finally began to realize something profound. I had always thought that love of dunya meant being attached to material things. And I was not attached to material things. I was attached to people. I was attached to moments. I was attached to emotions. So I thought that the love of dunya just did not apply to me. What I didn’t realize was that people, moments, emotions are all a part of dunya. What I didn’t realize is that all the pain I had experienced in life was due to one thing, and one thing only: love of dunya.
As soon as I began to have that realization, a veil was lifted from my eyes. I started to see what my problem was. I was expecting this life to be what it is not, and was never meant to be: perfect. And being the idealist that I am, I was struggling with every cell in my body to make it so. It had to be perfect. And I would not stop until it was. I gave my blood, sweat, and tears to this endeavor: making the dunya into jannah. This meant expecting people around me to be perfect. Expecting my relationships to be perfect. Expecting so much from those around me and from this life. Expectations. Expectations. Expectations. And if there is one recipe for unhappiness it is that: expectations. But herein lay my fatal mistake. My mistake was not in having expectations; as humans, we should never lose hope. The problem was in *where* I was placing those expectations and that hope. At the end of the day, my hope and expectations were not being placed in God. My hope and expectations were in people, relationships, means. Ultimately, my hope was in this dunya rather than Allah.
And so I came to realize a very deep Truth. An ayah began to cross my mind. It was an ayah I had heard before, but for the first time I realized that it was actually describing me: “Those who rest not their hope on their meeting with Us, but are pleased and satisfied with the life of the present, and those who heed not Our Signs.” (Qur’an, 10:7)
By thinking that I can have everything here, my hope was not in my meeting with God. My hope was in dunya. But what does it mean to place your hope in dunya? How can this be avoided? It means when you have friends, don’t expect your friends to fill your emptiness. When you get married, don’t expect your spouse to fulfill your every need. When you’re an activist, don’t put your hope in the results. When you’re in trouble don’t depend on yourself. Don’t depend on people. Depend on God.
Seek the help of people—but realize that it is not the people (or even your own self) that can save you. Only Allah can do these things. The people are only tools, a means used by God. But they are not the source of help, aid, or salvation of any kind. Only God is. The people cannot even create the wing of a fly (22:73). And so, even while you interact with people externally, turn your heart towards God. Face Him alone, as Prophet Ibrahim (as) said so beautifully: “For me, I have set my face, firmly and truly, towards Him Who created the heavens and the earth, and never shall I give partners to Allah.” (Qur’an, 6:79)
But how does Prophet Ibrahim (as) describe his journey to that point? He studies the moon, the sun and the stars and realizes that they are not perfect. They set.
They let us down.
So Prophet Ibrahim (as) was thereby led to face Allah alone. Like him, we need to put our full hope, trust, and dependency on God. And God alone. And if we do that, we will learn what it means to finally find peace and stability of heart. Only then will the roller coaster that once defined our lives finally come to an end. That is because if our inner state is dependent on something that is by definition inconstant, that inner state will also be inconstant. If our inner state is dependent on something changing and temporary, that inner state will be in a constant state of instability, agitation, and unrest. This means that one moment we’re happy, but as soon as that which our happiness depended upon changes, our happiness also changes. And we become sad. We remain always swinging from one extreme to another and not realizing why.
We experience this emotional roller coaster because we can never find stability and lasting peace until our attachment and dependency is on what is stable and lasting. How can we hope to find constancy if what we hold on to is inconstant and perishing? In the statement of Abu Bakr is a deep illustration of this truth. After the Prophet Muhammad ï·º died, the people went into shock and could not handle the news. But although no one loved the Prophet ï·º like Abu Bakr, Abu Bakr understood well the only place where one’s dependency should lie. He said: “If you worshipped Muhammad, know that Muhammad is dead. But if you worshipped Allah, know that Allah never dies.”
To attain that state, don’t let your source of fulfillment be anything other than your relationship with God. Don’t let your definition of success, failure, or self-worth be anything other than your position with Him (Qur’an, 49:13). And if you do this, you become unbreakable, because your handhold is unbreakable. You become unconquerable, because your supporter can never be conquered. And you will never become empty, because your source of fulfillment is unending and never diminishes.
Looking back at the dream I had when I was 17, I wonder if that little girl was me. I wonder this because the answer I gave her was a lesson I would need to spend the next painful years of my life learning. My answer to her question of why people have to leave each other was: “because this life isn’t perfect; for if it was, what would the next be called?”
Why Do People Have to Leave Each Other? Part I | Part II
Leaving is hard. Losing is harder. So a few weeks ago I asked the question, ‘why do people have to leave each other?’ The answer took me into some of my life’s deepest realizations and struggles. But it has also led me to wonder: After people leave, do they ever return? After something we love is taken from us, does it ever come back? Is loss permanent—or just a means for a higher purpose? Is loss the End itself, or a temporary cure for our heart’s ailments?
There’s something amazing about this life. The very same worldly attribute that causes us pain is also what gives us relief: Nothing here lasts. What does that mean? It means that the breathtakingly beautiful rose in my vase will wither tomorrow. It means that my youth will neglect me. But it also means that the sadness I feel today will change tomorrow. My pain will die. My laughter won’t last forever—but neither will my tears. We say this life isn’t perfect. And it isn’t. It isn’t perfectly good. But, it also isn’t perfectly bad, either.
Allah (glorified is He) tells us in a very profound ayah (verse): “Verily with hardship comes ease.” (Qur’an, 94:5). Growing up I think I understood this ayah wrongly. I used to think it meant: after hardship comes ease. In other words, I thought life was made up of good times and bad times. After the bad times, come the good times. I thought this as if life was either all good or all bad. But that is not what the ayah is saying. The ayah is saying WITH hardship comes ease. The ease is at the same time as the hardship. This means that nothing in this life is ever all bad (or all good). In every bad situation we’re in, there is always something to be grateful for. With hardship, Allah also gives us the strength and patience to bear it.
If we study the difficult times in our lives, we will see that they were also filled with much good. The question is – which do we chose to focus on? I think the trap we fall into is rooted in this false belief that this life can be perfect—perfectly good or perfectly bad. But that’s not the nature of dunya (this life). That’s the nature of the hereafter. The hereafter is saved for the perfection of things. Jannah (paradise) is perfectly and completely good. There is no bad in it. And Jahannam (hell – may Allah protect us) is perfectly and completely bad. There is no good in it.
By not truly understanding this reality, I myself would become consumed by the momentary circumstances of my life (whether good or bad). I experienced each situation in its’ full intensity—as if it was ultimate or would never end. The way I was feeling at the moment transformed the whole world and everything in it. If I was happy in that moment, past and present, near and far, the entire universe was good for that moment. As if perfection could exist here. And the same happened with bad things. A negative state consumed everything. It became the whole world, past and present, the entire universe was bad for that moment. Because it became my entire universe, I could see nothing outside of it. Nothing else existed for that moment. If you wronged me today, it was because you no longer cared about me—not because this was one moment of a string of infinite moments which happened to be tinted that way, or because you and I and this life just aren’t perfect. What I was experiencing or feelings at that instant replaced context, because it replaced my entire vision of the world.
I think in our experiential nature, some of us may be especially susceptible to this. Perhaps that is the reason we can fall prey to the “I’ve never seen good from you” phenomenon which the Prophet ï·º (peace be upon him) referred to in his hadith. Perhaps some of us say or feel this way because at that moment, experientially we really haven’t seen good, because our feeling at that instant replaces, defines and becomes everything. Past and present becomes rolled up into one experiential moment.
But, the true realization that nothing is complete in this life transforms our experience of it. We suddenly stop being consumed by moments. In the understanding that nothing is limitless here, that nothing here is kamil (perfect, complete), Allah enables us to step outside of moments and see them for what they are: not universes, not Reality, past and present, just that—a single moment in a string of infinite moments…and that they too shall pass.
When I cry or lose or bruise, so long as I am still alive, nothing is ultimate. So long as there is still a tomorrow, a next moment, there is hope, there is change, there is redemption. What is lost, is not lost forever.
So in answering the question of whether what is lost comes back, I study the most beautiful examples. Did Yusuf return to his father? Did Musa return to his mother? Did Hajar return to Ibrahim? Did health, wealth and children return to Ayoub? From these stories we learn a powerful and beautiful lesson: what is taken by Allah is never lost. In fact, it is only what is with Allah that remains. Everything else vanishes. Allah (swt) says, “What is with you must vanish: what is with Allah will endure. And We will certainly bestow, on those who patiently persevere, their reward according to the best of their actions.” (Quran 16:96)
So, all that is with Allah, is never lost. In fact the Prophet ï·º has said: “You will never give up a thing for the sake of Allah (swt), but that Allah will replace it for you with something that is better for you than it.” (Ahmad) Did not Allah take the husband of Umm Salimah, only to replace him with the Prophet ï·º?
Sometimes Allah takes in order to give. But, it’s crucial to understand that His giving is not always in the form we think we want. He knows best what is best. Allah says: “… But it is possible that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and that you love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knows, and you know not.” (Quran 2:216)
But if something is going to be returned in one form or another, why is it taken at all? Subhan’Allah. It is in the process of ‘losing’ that we are given.
Allah gives us gifts. But then we often become dependent on those gifts, instead of Him. When He gives us money, we depend on the money—not Him. When He gives us people, we depend on people—not Him. When He gives us status or power, we depend on, and become distracted by these things. When Allah gives us health, we become deceived. We think we will never die.
Allah gives us gifts, but then we come to love them as we should only love Him. We take those gifts and inject them into our hearts, until they take over. Soon we cannot live without them. Every waking moment is spent in contemplation of them, in submission and worship to them. The mind and the heart that was created by Allah, for Allah, becomes the property of someone or something else. And then the fear comes. The fear of loss begins to cripple us. The gift—that should have remained in our hands—takes over our heart, so the fear of losing it consumes us. Soon, what was once a gift becomes a weapon of torture and a prison of our own making. How can we be freed of this? At times, in His infinite mercy, Allah frees us…by taking it away.
As a result of it being taken, we turn to Allah wholeheartedly. In that desperation and need, we ask, we beg, we pray. Through the loss, we reach a level of sincerity and humility and dependence on Him which we would otherwise not reach—had it not been taken from us. Through the loss, our hearts turn entirely to face Him.
What happens when you first give a child a toy or the new video game he’s always wanted? He becomes consumed by it. Soon he wants to do nothing else. He sees nothing else. He doesn’t want to do his work or even eat. He’s hypnotized to his own detriment. So what do you do, as a loving parent? Do you leave him to drown in his addiction and complete loss of focus and balance? No.
You take it away.
Then, once the child has regained focus of his priorities, regained sanity and balance, once things are put in their proper place in his heart and mind and life, what happens? You give the gift back. Or perhaps something better. But this time, the gift is no longer in his heart. It is in its proper place. It is in his hand.
Yet in that process of taking, the most important thing happened. The losing and regaining of the gift is inconsequential. The taking of your heedlessness, your dependence and focus on other than Him, and the replacing it with remembrance, dependence and focus only on Him was the real gift. Allah withholds to give.
And so sometimes, the ‘something better’ is the greatest gift: nearnesss to Him. Allah took the daughter of Malik Ibn Dinar in order to save him. He took his daughter, but replaced her with protection from the hell-fire and salvation from a painful life of sin and distance from Him. Through the loss of his daughter, Malik ibn Dinar was blessed with a life spent in nearness to Allah. And even that which was taken (his daughter) would remain with Malik ibn Dinar forever in Jannah.
Ibn ul Qayyim (may Allah be pleased with him) speaks about this phenomenon in his book, Madarij Al Salikin. He says: “The divine decree related to the believer is always a bounty, even if it is in the form of withholding (something that is desired); and it is a blessing, even if it appears to be a trial and an affliction that has befallen him; it is in reality a cure, even though it appears to be a disease!”
So to the question, ‘once something is lost, does it return?’ the answer is yes. It returns. Sometimes here, sometime there, sometimes in a different, better form. But the greatest gift lies beneath the taking and the returning. Allah tells us: “Say, ‘In the bounty of Allah and in His mercy – in that let them rejoice; it is better than what they hoard.’” (Quran, 10:58)
oh!! sy sgt suka artikel ni
http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/spouse/people-leave-each-other-but-do-they-return/
Buffer zone
Lamanya , besarya buffer zone saya... stlh hampur 2 tahun di sini, baru saya rasa selesa, rasa real dan berpijak di bumi nyata. hampir 2 tahun utk sy sesauikan masa utk berada di zon selesa...skrg, baru mula mencari amalan2 lama yg sy dah tinggalkan sejak pindah ke OZ--mathurat, salawat tafrijiayah contohnya... 2 tahun mempu melupakan apa yg sy amalkan sblm ni... Dalam seminggu lepas, jenuh sy mengingat2 kembali matan salawat tafrijiyyah itu, rasa kecewa bila gagal melakukannya...hari ni, terbaca dan terdetik ttgnya, lalu dgn mudahnya sy dapat semula dari internet. Dan sekilat itu juga sy dpt mengingat kembali sepenuhnya matannya.. Alhamdulillah...
Selasa, Oktober 18, 2011
Ujian hidup
Ujian bertali arus datang..yang beratnya, terpaksa kuharungi bersendirian. Dan ujian ini mempengaruhi segala sudut kehidupan yg lain- study, family etc- kerana ia melibatkan emosi
Meeting sv
Tidak seperti hari 'meeting dgn SV' yang lain, hari ni , sy tidak berdebar2 spt selalu... biasanya dari sehari sebelumnya sy dah mula gelisah, malamnya tidur tak lelap. Tapi sejak semalam, sy tidak rasa berdebar, tidur juga boleh nyenyak, dn pagi ini, ditambah dengarn kesibukan menyediakan nasi lemak utk menyambut Kak Rin & Dr Risman balik dr Malaysia (utk konvokeyen UIA), sy tidak berdebar. perasaan " I don't care' menguasai diri... Dah jenuh rasanya saya membuang masa, menyesali sikap sendiri sejak akhir akhir ini...tiada hasil. Saya tahu sy membuang masa, tapi sy tak peduli. Saya lebih bahagis buat apa yanbg saya nak buat...
Dan hasilnya, masa meeting, memang saya kena 'warning' dgn SV...dia kata, dia heran selama ni dia letakkan sy sbg top student dalam group pelajar dia, tp sejak ogos, sy tak de progress... apa masalah saya? Lama juga berbincang & bersembang dgnnya..hampir 2 jam... mungkin dbb MyPSA? Kalau sy tak perform, susahlah dia nk bg contoh kat student lain katanya...
Akhirnya kata sepakat diambil, perjumpaan setiap hari, 5 min pun cukup, tp jmpa setiap hari, utk habiskan case study in 1 week. Happy..
Dan hasilnya, masa meeting, memang saya kena 'warning' dgn SV...dia kata, dia heran selama ni dia letakkan sy sbg top student dalam group pelajar dia, tp sejak ogos, sy tak de progress... apa masalah saya? Lama juga berbincang & bersembang dgnnya..hampir 2 jam... mungkin dbb MyPSA? Kalau sy tak perform, susahlah dia nk bg contoh kat student lain katanya...
Akhirnya kata sepakat diambil, perjumpaan setiap hari, 5 min pun cukup, tp jmpa setiap hari, utk habiskan case study in 1 week. Happy..
Selasa, Oktober 04, 2011
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